Monday, October 22, 2012

To hug or not to hug....that is the question.

So Sunday night I was hanging out with my in-laws after dinner.  Its nice having them live in town with us and we see them a lot.  I feel very close with them.  My father-in-law jokingly made some comment about me not hugging him.  I laughed and was embarrassed because I don't hug him.  I asked if his other daughters in law did and he told me yes.  Still more embarrassed I told him I wasn't quite ready to make a promise to change!  I'm awful.  I've continued thinking about it.  I hug my dad easily.  I hug my brothers.  I hug all of my uncles and cousins.  I hug back anybody that hugs me.  I don't initiate hugs almost ever.  Really only with my personal family members i think.  So I'm curious... do y'all hug your father in law?  Should I try to change?  I'm embarrassed to say I don't even hug my mother-in-law who I love and admire.
Thanksgiving 2010

11 comments:

Amber said...

I'm not a hugger. Whenever a close friend initiates a hug with me, I feel awkward. I don't hug my father-in-law, nor my mother-in-law; however, my relationship with them is vastly different than your relationship with Dee & Rick (or MY relationship with Dee & Rick). If Dee & Rick were my in-laws, I would probably feel okay hugging them. The reason I say that is that they are the only Aunt & Uncle I feel comfortable hugging. I don't hug anyone besides my immediate family members. So, my thoughts....I think you should give it a try sometime. Rick is like a big teddy bear and teddy bears are so nice to hug sometimes. ;)

Thanaglim said...

mmmm, I don't usually initiate hugs either. I think it is mostly because I don't know how the other person feels so most of the time I wait for the initial hug movement and then I'll hug. I think I'm more self conscience thinking when they hug me they feel my fat rolls. I hug my in-laws because we don't see them very often. If I saw them every day I probably wouldn't give a hug. I don't think I was very helpful...

Bonnie said...

Yeah, I am not a hugger. I feel really weird hugging anyone other than my kids and my husband. Does it make me completely awful that I don't even initiate hugs with my own parents? That's kind of weird right? Well at least you know there is someone crazier than you!

Rachel said...

I don't hug men. I think it's weird when they aren't my husband. Dad is not included because he has hugged me since the day I was born. Hugs come natural for me when I feel close to someone and have shared close experiences or intimate conversations. So that being said, I actually feel weird hugging some aunts and cousins. I don't hug my mother-in-law either. But, it's not like I wouldn't or would feel weird. It's because I see her all the time. It's like if you lived in Tuscaloosa. You wouldn't come running in mom's house everyday and hug her. At least I don't remember doing that. But I certianly do now. Distance makes the heart grow fonder. That's why I can hug Dee and always search for a hug from Mom when I see her.

Amber said...

After reading your blog and commenting, a line from Toy Story 3 keeps going through my head: "I'm huggie Lotso bear.....I'm a hugger". Henry has watched Toy Story 3 ('garbage truck toy story' as he calls it) many, many times.

Emily said...

Rick gives awesome hugs and I say hug him, it will mean so much to him. My cousin Kendra is not someone who hugs. She once told me, and it gave a lasting impression, she said, "Emily, I do not like physical touch, but because I love you, I give you hugs, I want you to know how important you are to me." There is a book about love languages and it is amazing. My top love language is physical touch, and when I am given a hug, I feel loved. It might be the same for Rick. Other people feel loved when service is rendered, a gift given or kind words spoken. We can enjoy all gifts, but a few will stand out more than others. This book changed so much for me in how I saw others and gave me a better understanding. Just a suggestion of a great book to read. Good luck! Love you Natalie!

Kathleen said...

ok, I couldn't NOT leave a comment (I know, double negative)because I hug my kids constantly, but I don't hug other people very much. At some point hugs started to feel awkward between me and most adults including my siblings and I am aware of at least one conversation in which one of my sisters was concerned because I had given her an awkward hug instead of an embrace. They joked about giving me a long embrace and not letting me get away with an awkward hug and wondered how I would react. So I've tried to give better hugs since then and not over think them as much (I still do over-think hugs sometimes). When I lived really close to my in-laws I almost never hugged them. I hugged them on my wedding day and I'm not sure if I hugged them after that until we moved away. I do remember hugging all of my in-laws with teary eyes when we left for Tennessee. Now that we live far away, we hug when we greet for the first time and when they leave for home and I hug all of them (usually it's my mother and father in law and two sister in laws).

Here in Washington we have lots of extended family on Zach's side. His old unmarried uncle always hugs me when he leaves and that's always awkward. It's also sometimes a little awkward when Zach's other aunts and uncles give me hugs. But somehow it's never awkward to give or receive a hug from Zach's grandmother. I actually even initiate hugs with her when she arrives or leaves.

I imagine Rick bringing up the hug to tease you in a good-natured way, but it's hard to go from a non-hugging relationship to a hugging one without feeling awkward doing it (at least at first).

Jan Hutchison said...

Do you not remember what my father in law told me? He says to me, "I only hug pretty girls."
We did not hug but I think he loved me and I know I loved him.
You have to have thick skin to be a Hutchison.
Signed,
Hugless Love

Rick Barnes said...

I'm a big believer in hugging. I hug when I'm happy, I hug when I'm sad, I hug to say hello, and I hug to say goodbye. I hug my friends, I hug my coworkers, I hug my family. I hug my priests when quorum meeting is over and they leave the room. I hug their dads in the hall, and I've hugged most of their mothers as well. I've hugged my Bishop (every one I have ever had) and my home teachers, and I've hugged the entire stake presidency at once. I once almost hugged a sister missionary, and we both laughed until we cried. I make it a point to hug my sons every time I pass them in the house. or at church. or at Sam's. I hug my daughter and my wife every opportunity I get, and for long as I can. if I know you, and I haven't hugged you, I think it's about time. :-)

Dee said...

I love all the different perspectives on hugging. I love when people love to hug me! I am generally a hugger, but recognize that not everyone is. I tend to test a hug to see if the other person hugs back. When its awkward for them then it tends to become awkward for me too. (not that I don't make it awkward all on my own sometimes!). I like the idea of hugging though because I know how it makes me feel, so I always hope it will have the same effect for others.

tracyp said...

I hug everyone but my inlaws.